i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
