my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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