so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
