Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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