Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
