Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
