I look better un-naked...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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