cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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