Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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