I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
