Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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