They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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