She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
