I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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