What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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