Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
