through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
