i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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