He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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