goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
