# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Barsexuality is the new black.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
