dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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