one might say we're banned from that church
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
