My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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