My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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