I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
