The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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