It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
