Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
