C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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