I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize