Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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