We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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