If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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