I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
