Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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