dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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