In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
