Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
