Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
