I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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