In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
