my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
