ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
