Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
