is your mom at the bar?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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