I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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