Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
