How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
