I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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