hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
