I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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