He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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