New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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