Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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