dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
